Day 21 of 84 – Coping with Failure

So you are going to fail. Just suck it up and get over it. Failure is part of the process of improving. We have already established that failure is actually the goal of growth. You improve by actually trying to get to the point of failure.

I want to talk about a different type of failure. It is the I never even tried failure. How many times have you set out to achieve something, set a goal, decided to start out and then basically did nothing?

I have to admit, in my quest for self improvement, I have had more false starts then successful ones. True, I have had some commitments that have turned into habits and I have accomplished some life changing things. However, I have a long list of commitments that never went anywhere. I started and then quickly failed.

In this 84 day “sprint” that I am doing, I set out with 6 core commitments that I was going to keep the entire time, everyday. Out of those 6, only 3 really survived. I am batting 50%. That is actually pretty good. My normal commitment batting average is about 20%.

So what do you do when you are failing to even start or keep a commitment for more then a day or two? Well, I have dealt with this question over and over again this last 2 years. Here are some tips that have helped me reconcile my ambition with my ability to execute:

1. Face the fact it is too hard. If you can barely keep the commitment for more then a day or two, then just admit that it is too hard. Your pride will say, what? I can do this! However, the results are the results. The fact is that you are not doing it, because it is too much. Cut it in half and try again.

Example. Let’s say you make a commit to exercise 30 min a day. You set out all excited, but then things happen and you cannot keep the commitment. Cut it in half try it again. 15 minutes a day is the new goal. See if that is easier to maintain. VERY, VERY, VERY IMPORTANT. Keeping the habit, learning the commitment is far more important then the individual effort. Do the math. 15 minutes every day for 90 days is much better then 60 minutes every once in awhile. Once you build the habit, then you can improve what you are doing and for how long.

2. Get help. You are failing to execute because you do not know what you are doing. Admit it. Your pride is getting in the way again. You think you can figure it out, but you dont. You struggle, the effort becomes to complex and then you just stop doing it. So get some help.

I was trying to keep this weight training commitment. I was on again and off again. Not getting the commitment done. I decided to ask for help. I talked to people, followed a couple of bloggers online, got some advice and found some solid tools. I then dialed back my commitment to something easier. Now, I am keeping that commitment everday and I am consistent now. What was once a complete failure has become something that I actually feel pretty good about now.

3. Measure and Track Progress. Usually failure, and ability to track progress are related cousins. You do not need to track progress but it really, really helps. If you are failing, look at what you are measuring and how. Chances are it is not exciting, not easy, and not rewarding. Find the correct thing to measure, figure out how to measure it and implement your commitment around improving this new metric.

Bottom line is that you are failing to start or keep a commitment for a reason. Stop thinking, I need more time or I need more motivation. Take a look at the real reasons for the failure, make reasonable adjustments and try again.

Guy Reams

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