As I have been thinking about habits there are several thoughts that keep recurring. One is that just having the habit is important. Meaning, do not worry about how good it is, just maintaining and keeping the habit is an important task all by itself. However, once that is achieved there does come a point where you have to reconcile with two important considerations.
1. If you are going to spend time in the habit, you might as well make that time as high as quality as you are capable. To put this another way. Instead of just “getting though it” you should be feeling happy that you “get to do it.” This has become evident for me with my meditation habit. There are many days where I am just getting through it. Yes, I maintained the habit, but that was the only real benefit. Over time, I have learned to look forward to the time that I have to do this habit and it has become less of a burden and more of a highlight of my day.
2. The second point is the reason for this note this morning. Habits initially are going to be inward in nature. Focused on improving yourself. That is where I have been for a long time. Getting physically healthy, improving my memory, gaining spiritual strength, focusing on a few lifetime pursuits of mine. However, those are very inward, I daresay selfish. I think the real ambition, and probably something you are only capable of after you have some mastery over self, are outward habits.
I have meet a few people that have shared their habits with me. On the rare occasion, their first inclination is an outward habit to benefit the lives of a specific person, or other people. Interestingly enough those have all been women, and they have all been mothers. So yes, the mom’s first thought was to develop a habit to benefit their family, or a specific child. So the question I have this morning, is who is better off? The self centered person focused on self mastery (like me) or the self less person focused on building habits that benefit another? I suppose the dichotomy is unnecessary. This comparison is not needed, but it is an interesting question. The answer is probably both. An inward and an outward focus is needed, however, I am going to say this. The outward leaning person is probably going to gain much more benefit over time.
So the lesson maybe that as we gain self mastery, as a consequence, we need to look outward. Maybe this is why all the great religious leaders were at least in their early 30s or later by the time they started their ministries. In some cultures, you are not even considered a source of wisdom until you are well past 50. I think it used to be that way in the United States. However, nowadays, our modern day prophets seem to be the likes of Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber who are 29 and 25 respectively. I digress! The point is that extending oneself outward seems to be a critical maturation of the habit forming process. The ultimate result of self mastery is the ability, willingness, capability or looking beyond yourself and seek to help individuals and society around you.
So yes, if you are a mom, you are automatically in the cool club. If a man decides to dedicate their lives to the benefit of others, he is given a single name and we write books about him. When a woman decides to dedicate her life to the benefit of others, the sacrificing of a career or other ambition, we call her a mom. I suppose that most mom’s (at least I know my mom and my wife would say this) that at the end of it all, they would not trade what they gained from their experience as a mother for any individual gains they might have received by not being a mom. I suppose this same statement would be true of anyone who eventually learns to extend outward instead of inward. When you discover that you helped another, that is a reward greater then all the riches you can accumulate with a lifetime of selfish pursuit.
So when is the appropriate time to extend outward in our habit forming process? I do not know actually. I supposed it is when you feel like you are not moving upward anymore. When the salt has lost its savor. At that point, you can start to ask yourself, is there a habit that I could start to work on that would benefit other people? When you are able to start working on that type of habit, I think you will find that your upward progression will rapidly improve. Of course, I write this completely esoterically. I remain a completely selfish, egotistical, person with a list of habits focused on improving only myself. However, I will find the ability to think outward and upward. Maybe one day, or should I say day one?
Guy Reams
