I regret bringing this subject up, but I feel that it is necessary. The fact remains that many of us will fail in our attempt to build into our lives new habits, and life style changes that will lead us toward that future self. Over the last year, I have successfully created some new habits. These have been life changing for me, however, I have also failed at several other attempts. When I failed, I took a step back and really tried to think through why I failed. I came up with the primary culprit – which I thought I would share this morning. This is designed to encourage you to get back into it if you slipped a few days, and/or motivate you if you are still on track but starting to feel the first signs of struggle.
The primary culprit for failing to build a new habit is simply exceeding your own capacity. This is something people always tell you. You are doing too much! Well there is some wisdom in that advice. If you are unable to accomplish the building of a habit, it is because you exceeded your capacity. This is a plain and simple truth, and it is sometimes ugly. For example, let’s say you took on the commitment to exercise everyday for at least 30 minutes. That seems so easy. You can do that with no problem right? The challenge is that you are on Day 13 and you have already skipped a day or two, you already are struggling. You feel slightly bothered with your weakness and you can react by either picking yourself up and going again or wallowing around for several weeks in self-pity.
There is another option. Just deal with the reality that even 30 minutes was beyond your capacity and that is why you failed. What you need to do is find an amount that fits your capacity and increase your chance for success. BUILDING THE HABIT IS MORE IMPORTANT THEN THE BENEFIT YOU GET FROM A SINGLE ACTIVITY. I wish I could have yelled that to my younger self. The one that thought I could take on the world all in one day. The one that thought doing some small activity was worthless because it did not achieve the result I wanted. My lack of patience never let me see the fruits of consistent, repeating effort over a long period of time. If 30 minutes was beyond your capacity, reduce it to 15 and start again. What you are trying to do is build a new habit, once you have that habit in place then you can start to increase the effort but not before. You have to stretch yourself slowly. Incrementally and with iterations.
When I started my run commitment, I literally was running to my mailbox and back. Just about 100 yards. Embarrassing, and I probably looked pathetic. That is OK, I knew my capacity was very low. I had hardly any capacity to absorb a running schedule into my life, and I did not have the mind calluses built to withstand the challenges that I would have running longer distances. I had to start small, real small. However, compare that to this week when I will be running 50+ miles this week. It has been less than a year, and I have established a running habit and have slowly increased my capacity little by little. I had patience with myself this time and probably for the first time in my life have started to accomplish a physical triumph. For those of you with athletic backgrounds, you already know this. It was beat into your head by a coach or trainer. You are lucky, you have muscle memory.
Commitments that are not physical, the ones that are emotional, mental, spiritual are exactly the same. If you are failing to keep a commitment you made to yourself or others it is because you have exceeded your capacity. Embarrassed? Ashamed? Get over it. These are thoughts coming from your primal mind and I have already explained what an over sensitive, ego centered, impulse driven idiot that part of your brain can be. Stop listening to that part of your mind, and take control. Accept reality. Yes you really do have that low of a capacity. Nice that you found that out. Lower the target, make an adjustment and focus on building habits. The building of the habit is the great accomplishment, not any individual feat along the way.
Guy Reams
365 Alumni
130 Days to 1st Marathon
