There are circumstances in life where a display of weakness is the difference between life and death. Coming across a Mother Brown Bear and her cubs is one of those times. I am sure that you can think of many other examples. I can tell you, however, that almost every other situation in life is NOT one of those times. Being willing to be vulnerable, to be willing to be genuine is actually going to help you more than hurt. This is counter intuitive to many, perhaps most of us. Our primal instinct is to show no weakness, display greatness at all times, prove to others how awesome we are and seek validation constantly to confirm that all our energy pointed in that direction is working.
So you can go ahead and take the armor off and put your weapons down. Your work colleague, your friend, your partner, your spouse, your child, the alarm sales person or religious evangelist knocking on your door is not going to kill, harm or maim you in anyway. If you could take a moment and just put down the defenses you might see what others are actually seeing when they look at you. They might even start to discover who you really are. You might even like that person.
You see, who you really are is not actually bad at all. Most of us are pretty unique and special in our own right. We are God’s, or the Universe’s, or Nature’s creation and we are all the same and at the same time distinct. You actually have a lot to offer, you can be really good at what you are doing, and more importantly you can have a positive impact for good in the lives of many. You be you is a trite phase, but it is a really interesting statement.
I was always perplexed by this concept of being myself. Honestly, I really have never understood, very well anyway, who I am anyway! It is definitely a major work in progress. I think being me, requires a great deal of deliberate practice. I cannot just assume that in every social situation I am just going to be me – I actually have to be prepared mentally to respond correctly, because like most of you, I have spent my life with my armor on, shields up and weapons out at the ready. Not to mention the mask I wear all the time trying to pretend to be someone I am most assuredly not.
Sounds shallow, I know. However, I state this because we all do this and we all go through it. It has been documented very well by some great minds in the school of psychology. It also is not black and white. We do not conceal who we really are, or fake it, or pretend all the time. It is in degrees and happens at times when we are the most stressed or feeling anxiety.
I have noticed since keeping my commitment to record my journey along this process that I have become more and more willing to allow myself to be vulnerable. What is interesting, is that I have not been attacked physically at all, I am not in danger. (Well I did have a few runs ins with Coyotes, Skunks and One Rattle Snake.) In fact, only benefits have occurred. I have gotten help at times when I needed it, I find myself less and less in a going to war mentality with people around me and instead having some empathy and recognizing patters in behavior that are similar to mine. I am also much more willing to just state how I am thinking about something, regardless of how uncomfortable it might seem at first. In essence learning who I really am and more willing to be me when encountering others.
Someone said to me, Guy – everyone goes through this when you get your age. It is God telling you to get off your rear end and do something with your life and quit pretending. Maybe that is true, but what is definitely reality is that I am more engaged now in the pursuit of life. I owe this to the commitments that I have made and kept this last two years. It is an awkward and anxious feeling sometimes to realize that I have nothing to hide behind, but the more I push myself, the more I realize that it is perfectly fine. I am not that bad after all, I am only a little bit of a fraud and I actually do have something of value to share with others.
Having said all that, I still have a lot to learn. My usual arsenal of wartime essentials stands at the ready to be picked up at a moments notice. I catch myself all the time using one of those crude weapons. It is almost funny when I realize that I just did the equivalent of bringing a giant spiked club to a casual conversation. I notice now that I am all decorated out in my fine suit of plated chain mail when everyone else is business casual. Sort of embarrassing actually.
So here is to putting those crude instruments down and being more vulnerable, and more willing to be ourselves.
Guy Reams
