When I was young and growing up, I could not wait to go to school where they would teach me how to learn. After completing 1st grade I realized there was no manual. No one was going to teach me how to learn. They would prompt me, badger me, reward me, encourage me and even punish me, but the only person that was going to figure out how learn was me.
When I got older and was on my way to high school, I could not wait to figure out what life was all about. After witnessing a lot of idiocy by my fellow students, teachers, administrators and myself I concluded that nobody had life figured out. The one science teacher that I liked, got fired. The economics professor that I thought I learned something from had an affair with a student and ruined his marriage. My calculus instructor, who I started to think might have an answer or to, found his answer in the 5th of Jim Beam he poured into his coffee mug every morning. My senior year, I took a wellness and healthy living course by a strung out woman with an addiction to pain killers that was on her 3rd boyfriend in as many months. Yup, I concluded pretty darn quickly that there was no manual, I was going to have to figure out life on my own.
I had a renaissance where I thought that perhaps my parents had it all figured out and I was just to proud to realize it. Yup, you guessed it. They had no manual hiding in their house somewhere. They had burned that stupid book years ago and the only advice they had to give was, well, good luck. Well, not really, they had lots of advice but it was conflicting at times and they were trying to figure it out too and even they would admit they would still like to find that manual somewhere.
In college, I took courses from esteemed professors. Read lots of books from philosophers both old and new. I wanted to get a degree, figure out the path that I should be on. Just follow the script, do the time, get the degree and then I would have it all figured out. I would then know what to do. However, I discovered the content I was learning was out of date, not tested in the real world. The books I loved the most were written by people that committed suicide or were addicted to drugs. The musicians I liked all died early deaths. Yup, my college years were fun, but I did not find the manual hiding in a library, cataloged carefully by the dewey numbering system. I was on my own. I had to figure it out all by myself.
Then I got my first job, and I got to know my boss and my colleagues. Here I thought, were people that had some experience. They could show me my the way. Tell me the right path to be on. Give me the manual that I should follow in my career. As I was quickly promoted to be the boss, I realized that no one had it figured out. They were all just trying to get along themselves. Same story. No answers. No manual. Lots of advice, but little of consequence. The Internet came out, I thought that might have some advice, but instead I found a bunch of people excited that the could talk to each other over a computer. No path, no manual, no real guidance. Just a lot more lost people to talk to.
I gave up on corporate life, started in academia. Thinking that the great college and university system would have the answers. I worked my way up to get to a full tenured professor. I taught for years, reading the best books. One day a young man asked me, could you just tell me what to do? Is there a manual that I could follow? I had nothing for him, you see, I was still looking for the damned thing and I was stuck.
I got married and had kids. I desperately needed a manual to help with all that. I saw doctors, specialists, psychologists, mechanics, attorneys, accountants, financial planners and who knows how many others always asking for the path, guidance, a manual to follow. Nope, sorry no manual for that either. No guidance on how to raise a kid. That what to expect when you have a toddler book was a pile of rubbish. No manual to be found. I had to figure it out on my own.
I have had many problems in my life. More than I could possibly list. I have had financial, mechanical, mental, spiritual, psychological, physical and other problems. I have been shot at, yelled at, screamed at, accused, abused, strung out, desperate and despondent and all the while have been looking for the manual. I read the good book and even a few bad books. I have learned from Covey how to sharpen the saw, I have learned to how to think and grow rich from Napoleon. I have a collection of over a thousand self help books. None of them helped me figure anything out, at the end of the day, I was just like I was in Kindergarten. I had to figure it out on my own.
I have been on every diet plan you can think of. I have been carb less, meat free, and ever other fad in between. Trying to find a way to live my life stress free. I have tried religion and politics too. At the end of the day, there was no manual there either. Still same story, had to figure it out on my own.
So here I am after about a half a century and the one piece of advice I have for anyone, is if you are looking for someone to show you the way you are not going to find it. If you want someone to tell you what to do, you will wait for ever. If you think a piece of paper will get you what you want, you are wrong. The only real path to figuring out anything is to make your own manual. Yeah, steal some parts here and there from other sources. However if you want a manual for your life, then you are the author, editor, and publisher. Better get started.
Guy Reams
