I Can Blame China Now

Now that the media seems convinced that China is the culprit for all of the world’s problems, I figure that I am going to take full advantage of this situation. I now have the ultimate scapegoat for all my failures as a human. Before I get into just exactly how I am going to use this new tool, it is a good time for a little history lesson.

Ancient Hebrew custom, which is referenced in the Biblical account of Leviticus, held once a year, on Yom Kippur, two goats were chosen by lot. 1 of the goats would meet the fate of being offered as a blood sacrifice, the other would gain the privilege of having a priest lay the sins of the people on the head of the goat. Then the priest would release the goat into the wilderness to take everyone’s sins away. Hence the concept of the escape goat, which became overtime the scapegoat.

So I have the perfect scapegoat now to push all my sins off onto! What an amazing opportunity. I can now blame the Chinese government (not the people, I do not want to be accused of xenophobia) for the following:

My propensity for eating too much sugar while sitting in my office all day.
My slower than usually running because I have to breath through a face mask.
The fact that one of my children has not memorized her math facts yet, we were so close, and now we have had a major setback. Thanks China Government Deep State – we were almost to the 7’s and 8’s!!
My family’s addiction to streaming content. We were starting to get more active, just started to turn the corner on becoming more socially active, but now we have been sucked back in. We have about 12 different streaming series’ that we are binging now. Thanks Big Red.
The nasty flame email that I sent this morning at 4am. If anyone was on that thread, do not blame me. Blame the Chinese Government and their conspiracy to conceal their Wuhan lab mishaps. If it was not for that, then I would not find myself staring at email all day long just looking for a fight!
The endless day long conference calls that I am having, one after another, each one more important than the next, each with 10 action items that I will never get to.
My new gym habit that I was starting to develop has been completely destroyed.

However, to be completely fair. I probably need to give credit where credit is due. Without the Chinese Government’s culpability in this whole thing, I probably would not have enjoyed:

Cheaper Gas Prices at the Pump – even in California!
Easier shopping experience at Trader Joe’s. They are only letting in 5 people at a time! No longer do I need to prepared to arm wrestle a desperate mother for the last pack of Brioche Buns!
I have now become an expert in Webex, Skype, Teams, BlueJeans, Zoom, GoToMeeting and just about every other conference calling tool you can think of.
I have learned how to cook meals at home, plan meals and all of that!
I think my kids know that they have a father now, or at least some dude that hangs out in a office all day long talking on the phone.
The only activity I can really do outside is run. So run I shall.

It feels really good to have a scapegoat, especially one that is clear across the other side of the planet. I can blame this mysterious entity known as Xi Jinping. Makes me wonder, however, is there a Chinese technology leader in Shanghai writing a blog of a similar nature using the bombastic Donald Trump as his scapegoat?

Well if he is, we shall build a bridge together. Each of us finding solace in blaming another for their myriad of woes. I feel a little better now knowing that none of this is my fault. Until I look at my calendar for tomorrow. Ugh. 14 conference calls. Is that some sort of record? Uh…Hold On…My wife is standing over my shoulder. She wants me to pick up pizza from curb side pickup…again. Darn Chinese Government.

Guy Reams

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