I was falling asleep on the couch watching an HGTV show about a couple looking to buy an island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. I must have dozed off because when I woke, there on the TV screen was a scene of a very attractive athlete drinking a green soda can, and the phrase, “Be the Dew,” was printed on the screen in bold white letters. At that moment, a concept coalesced in my mind that I had been thinking about for a few weeks. Effectively, this had to do with acts of commission rather than omission. In the early stages of an improvement cycle, we focus on removing harmful and destructive behavior from our lives. These might include reducing or eliminating alcohol, quitting smoking, dipping tobacco, or other harmful drugs. We might go as far as to stop eating sugar or consuming caffeine. We learn that certain behaviors are destructive, such as committing felonies or having frequent ‘relations’ with random people. These are all obvious things we can stop doing that will improve our lives. Is that true?
Talk to any rebellious teenager who takes their first toke on a substance forbidden by parents. Did the walls suddenly come crashing in? Was their brain suddenly frying on a pan? Were shadowy hobgoblins creeping out of the ground to bind shackles around their ankles? Probably not. They might have even had fun and enjoyed themselves and discovered this experience was not so bad after all. The concept that all experienced people know is that certain activities can become very destructive very quickly, so the best approach is abstinence or at least careful and thoughtful application. However, that is not my point. The point is the reverse. Assume that you were committing various negative behaviors with harmful substances, and you go through the difficult journey to quit and live free from these oppressive substances. After all that effort, will you suddenly become the person you always dreamed of becoming? No.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but living vice-free by itself is not enough to propel you to success. You will still have to accomplish things, work hard, and persist. However, you will find that the path is much easier when you are not carrying a giant burden. Substance abuse, or any other really negative act of commission, can be like a giant sack of boulders that you have to carry with you all the time. It is not that being free from this burden makes you successful, but rather how much easier it is to succeed when free. Free from unnecessary burdens, that is.
Watch my video on this subject, here
So, assume you are free from these types of overt and damaging activities, then what? What do you do now? This is probably the single most challenging barrier for anyone in their adult life to deal with. After you have accomplished a life of avoiding or quitting bad things and checking the boxes of all the notable things you should do, what then? I had this experience. I was a good boy and did what I was supposed to. Went to college, got married, and started having children. I bought a home, got a mortgage, and reluctantly paid my taxes. Now what? Any personal transformation deals with this problem. You check all the boxes, clear the path wide open for your potential success, and then you are paralyzed with uncertainty.
There is a transition that must occur. Up to that point, you might have been obsessed with what “not to do.” Don’t do this, or don’t do that. Stop this and avoid that. Keep away and proceed with caution. Indeed, certain acts of commission will absolutely wreck your chances of success, but what do you do when you have successfully avoided or stopped doing those things? Quite simply, you transition from thinking about omitting bad behavior to thinking about committing good behavior. To explain this concept, I will use an example.
Dieting. Ugh. The bane of my existence. I have been obsessed with what I should NOT be eating my whole life. Do not eat that cake. Stay away from the ice cream. GMOs are bad for me. Aspartame is worse. I think we all know the drill. However, despite that, I have consistently failed. I find myself eating the cake anyway. This is a mentality of omission. You are hyper-focused on what not to do. If you, by some herculean willpower, avoid all the bad stuff and find yourself eating with and like a squirrel, you will eventually need to figure out what you can eat. This is because we can replace these bad choices with equally bad ones and have yet to progress. Instead of this thinking, we can start thinking about what we can do or what behavior we can add. If we fill our day, slowly over time, with good and healthy food alternatives, there will someday come a time when you just cannot fit in or find room in the day for the bad things. You adjust your mindset by focusing on adding good rather than removing bad. You are now actively thinking about what you can do rather than what you should not.
Now, you cannot be awesome overnight. You cannot suddenly add hundreds of good behaviors to your routine and vanquish all the evil spirits with one sweep of the wand. However, you can do one thing at a time, incrementally adding good until you find yourself at the pinnacle of success one day and look back at this giant mountain of good behavior you have built over the course of your transformation. For the lost soul figuring out what to do now, you should first figure out what mountain you want to climb. Even if the mountain is scary-looking and impossible. Just identify the mountain; that is step 1. Now that you have that in your sights, just start climbing. Figure out all the good things people do that are climbing or have climbed that mountain. Now, start doing what they do. One at a time. Step by Step. One day, that mountain will still seem large but nowhere near as intimidating. So that is it. Just start doing. Be the Do.
There have been many authors who have focused on this concept of building small and incremental habits. I have them all on my bookshelf, and they are all worth reading.
1. “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg: This book explores the science behind habit formation and how these habits impact our daily lives. Duhigg explains how understanding the structure of habits can help us change them, thus leading to transformative changes in our lives.
2. “Atomic Habits” by James Clear: Clear’s book is widely recognized for its practical approach to building good habits and breaking bad ones. It emphasizes the role of systems in habit formation and how small, consistent changes can lead to significant improvements over time.
3. “Habit Stacking: 127 Small Actions That Take Five Minutes or Less” by S.J. Scott: This book offers a unique approach to habit formation by focusing on small, manageable actions that can be easily integrated into daily routines. It provides a structured way to build new habits through a checklist-based system, ensuring consistency and motivation.
