I was watching a hockey game the other night and I had this thought come to me that I have never considered before. The goalie is constantly in front of the net, batting away pucks that are coming at them. They are vigilant, focused, and quick to react. They do not let the puck sit there. They immediately send it back out into the field of play. The more I thought about this, the more I realized that this is exactly what we need to be doing in our professional lives.
We are constantly being bombarded with guilt transfers. Someone has a problem, they cannot solve it, or they do not want to solve it, and so they send it to you. They are effectively transferring their guilt for not accomplishing something onto you. The moment you accept that problem, you now own the guilt. You are now responsible for solving it. You are now the one who feels bad about it not being done.
This happens all the time in business. A colleague sends you an email about a problem. A customer complains about something. A vendor misses a deadline. A team member does not complete their task. In each case, someone is trying to transfer their guilt to you. They are sending you the hockey puck. If you are not careful, you will catch it, hold onto it, and then feel guilty about it.
The problem with accepting these guilt transfers is that you end up carrying around a massive amount of guilt that is not even yours. You start to feel overwhelmed. You start to feel like you are failing. You start to feel like you cannot keep up. But the reality is that most of this guilt was never yours to begin with. It was transferred to you by someone else who did not want to deal with it.
So what do you do? You become the guilt goalie. You stand in front of your net and you bat those pucks back out into the field of play. You do not let them sit there. You do not catch them and hold onto them. You immediately send them back to where they came from.
Here is how you do it. When someone sends you a problem, you immediately assess whether this is actually your responsibility. If it is not, you send it back. You do not accept the guilt transfer. You do not take ownership of something that is not yours. You politely but firmly redirect the problem back to the person who sent it to you.
For example, someone sends you an email saying that a project is behind schedule and they need your help. You look at the project and realize that you are not even on the project team. You are not responsible for the project. So you send the email back. You say something like, “I appreciate you reaching out, but I am not on this project team. You should probably reach out to the project manager or the team lead.” You have just batted the puck back out into the field of play.
Or maybe someone comes to you with a problem that is actually their responsibility. They are trying to transfer their guilt to you because they do not want to deal with it. You recognize this and you send it back. You say something like, “I understand this is a problem, but this is actually your responsibility. What do you need from me to help you solve it?” You are not accepting the guilt transfer. You are making them own the problem.
The key here is to be quick. Do not let the puck sit there. Do not let the guilt transfer happen. The moment you recognize that someone is trying to transfer their guilt to you, you bat it back. You do not let it into your net. You do not let it become your problem.
Now, there are times when you do need to accept the problem. There are times when it is actually your responsibility. There are times when you need to step up and take ownership. But even in those cases, you need to be clear about what you are accepting. You need to be clear about what you are responsible for. You need to be clear about what you are going to do about it. You do not just accept the guilt transfer without thinking about it.
The guilt goalie is vigilant. They are focused. They are quick to react. They do not let the pucks pile up in their net. They do not let the guilt accumulate. They bat it back out into the field of play. They keep their net clear. They keep their mind clear. They keep their focus on what is actually important.
I have noticed that some people are really good at this. They are natural guilt goalies. They do not let other people transfer their guilt to them. They are quick to redirect problems back to where they belong. They are clear about what they are responsible for and what they are not. They do not carry around guilt that is not theirs.
Other people are terrible at this. They accept every guilt transfer that comes their way. They catch every puck and hold onto it. They end up carrying around a massive amount of guilt that is not even theirs. They feel overwhelmed. They feel like they are failing. They feel like they cannot keep up. But the reality is that most of this guilt was never theirs to begin with.
So here is my challenge to you. Start being the guilt goalie. Start batting those pucks back out into the field of play. Start being vigilant about what you accept and what you do not. Start being clear about what you are responsible for and what you are not. Do not let other people transfer their guilt to you. Do not let the pucks pile up in your net. Keep your net clear. Keep your mind clear. Keep your focus on what is actually important.
The guilt goalie is always in front of the net, always vigilant, always ready to bat the puck back out into the field of play. Be the guilt goalie.
