There are many essential human requirements for survival. We easily think of food, water, shelter against elements. Those are the easy ones. Lately we have become acutely aware of the need to have a healthy immune system. However, there are other human requirements that are not so easy to identify. However, these other requirements are just as equally embedded into our nature, than even basic survival. One of those is acceptance. Every human has a requirement to feel accepted by others. Perhaps this is part of our very nature because we emulate our creator, or perhaps we have a genetic disposition to gather in groups because that is how homo sapiens became the dominate species on the planet. Sure one individual could not take out a large animal, but 10 of us organized into a committed group? Whole other ball game, so to speak.
Either way you look at this, we are born with a inherit need, desire, yearning for acceptance. In fact we tend to gravitate toward the first real acceptance that you get in your life, and you become fiercely loyal because of it. Most of us experience this early in life as part of a family unit. Unfortunately, not all people get this fulfillment of acceptance by their families. Often times there is something broken going on and as a consequence they feel rejected, ostracized even from the one group that is supposed to be the most accepting, and that is your family. You here conservative Americans lamenting about the loss of family in our society, agree with the political stand point or not, this is absolutely a legitimate concern. Since the dawn of time, human kind have been assembling into small groups centered around and focused on raising young ones into members of their group or clan. It is so critically important, it is a core human requirement for survival. We just absolutely need and want acceptance by others.
Often times you will hear of young people finding acceptance with a substitute for family that comes from a gang or other negative influence. This is certainly a true phenomenon that occurs, and is only successful by the very real desire for young people to gain acceptance. You hear also of victims of horrible abuse actually learning to love and defend their captors, precisely because of this intense desire for acceptance. Someone could literally be beating and battering another person continuously, but with one word of acceptance and the victim is overwhelmed with a sense of belonging and gratitude. Acceptance is not just a nice to have. It is a fundamental and necessary part of your life.
This is a predominate reason that we are always looking for affirmation from others, because we want to feel accepted. Many people who adopt a religious belief system will often times attribute the basis of their faith on the concept of being accepted. Interestingly enough, if they get rejected one too many times the faith system will become not only disappointing but toxic to their health. You will hear many people reference this idea of becoming accepted by God, or some other religious figure. This is a powerful way for many to overcome the fragility of life, the disappointment in others and the loathing of self. When one can turn to and find acceptance in a higher power than themselves then they are creating for themselves a powerful defense mechanism. I suppose you could argue that the more true, the more correct, or the more powerful source by one looks to for acceptance, the more long term or beneficial that strength will be.
I think it is important to admit to ourselves just how much we need acceptance. It is not weakness to admit this, it is very healthy to understand this need. Not getting acceptance in your life leads to despair, depression or worse. So you need acceptance. Preferably by a person or persons that mean you well, and even better a source that never fails.
Guy Reams
