One of the most difficult things to grapple with is changing the way you think because of a generational mindset. My wife and I were talking last night about Gen X people like us who were raised by parents who were far more hands off. Everyone talks about children of the seventies who wandered free and came home after the street lights came on. In my case, we did not have any street lights, but I remember a few times rambling in after the sun went down. I did get in trouble once for coming home far too late, but most of the time, as long as Mom knew generally where I was and when to expect me, I was fine. As a consequence, I think my entire generation took the opposite approach to parenting our children. We raised Gen Z and became hyper vigilant in our support and involvement in their lives. People now say that my generation is known for fierce independence, whereas the newer generations exhibit more dependency. This is a generational mindset, one of being extra careful and having qualities that we usually call perfectionism.
My mother’s generation, the Baby Boomers, was all about new things. They wanted modern cars and modern houses. They saw the world after major wars and, as a consequence, were tired of old institutions that had caused such calamity. They saw opportunity and appreciated the spoils of modern society. My mom always jokes that every time her house gets dirty, she has to fight the temptation to just go buy another one and move out. The thing is, my mom is not alone. This is a generational mindset, and it is common among her peers. Getting something new, or the new thing, has always been a top of mind solution for any problem that a Boomer encounters. This is a sweeping generalization, of course, but when an entire society tends to exhibit the same traits, it is really difficult to be different.
These are examples of macro generational patterns. The harder ones to deal with are the patterns that are specific to your current situation. The family you were in, your socioeconomic status, the region you were born in, your religious background, and the culture you come from are all significant factors that establish your mindset early on. These are tough to overcome and often require several decades of concerted effort, usually led by one particularly strong person who is viewed by others as pushing the boundaries. Although I have had great examples in my life, I was still born into a larger family setting with a working class mindset. There is nothing wrong with this. In fact, much good comes from it. But in terms of understanding what is possible in life, it can be limiting. Although I was taught that I could do anything that I wanted, the imagination of what that could be was limited to the known universe. That known universe is limited by the scope of the mindset you are brought into.
The hardest part of overcoming a generational mindset is to recognize it as a limitation; it feels like air, shared and invisible. Begin by watching your reflexes, the phrases you repeat without thinking, the assumptions you defend with a tired because that is how it is done. Write one of those rules on a page, then ask what it has cost you, friendships not pursued, risks not taken, skills never tried. Find one small act that violates the rule and do it today, then do it again tomorrow, not to rebel for its own sake, but to test whether the world ends when you step outside the fence. Invite a voice from another generation to review your blind spot, listen without debate, take one suggestion and put it into practice for a season. Keep a simple log of what you tried and what changed, evidence has a way of loosening the grip of old stories. Pray if you are inclined, reflect if you are not, but keep showing up with honesty; over time the pattern becomes visible, and once you see it plainly, you are free to choose something better.
Then you must be willing to be the anomaly; the one who steps first and splits the waves without a crowd behind you. Many families rise because one ancestor decides to carry a new story, a quiet worker who endures misunderstanding and keeps going. External criticism is sharp, yet the hardest cuts come from your own tribe, the raised eyebrow at the table, the rumor that you forgot where you came from. Accept that cost without bitterness, stand your ground with patience, and anchor yourself in daily commitments, work, study, save, serve, and let time do its work. Speak less and produce more; invite those who doubt to judge the fruit, not the noise. Hold respect for your people even as you change the pattern; forgive quickly; keep your door open. The path is never easy, and always difficult, yet if you stay steady long enough, the new path becomes normal, and those who follow will call it tradition.
On one hand there is a small comfort. If you find the path difficult, remember that you are not only pushing past your own mindset. You are pressing against an entire generation, an entire family, an entire social structure that was built to keep you in place. That is why it feels heavier than it should. On the other hand there is no real alternative. You must take it on. Be the breaker of rules, the destroyer of tired narratives, the unbounded fool among the bounded and the logical. Stand with respect, endure the criticism, and keep moving until your new way becomes the quiet truth that others can follow.
