I am not the best at this concept that I am going to outline. This has always been a weakness of mine. I think it is because growing up I was always the outsider. I was the kid in the back of the class, the one ostracized, picked on, and picked last when team captains were selecting their flag football teams. I was uncoordinated, often wore awkward clothing, did not brush my hair much, and would say awkward things. As a consequence, I learned to rely on myself for most everything. I figured things out by myself, and when I had a friend it was usually just one or two at most. I had big ideas that often failed, and I would figure out how to get people to buy into those ideas and get them on board, but lasting relationships were rare.
However, I was raised to care deeply for the welfare of others. I would often find myself coming to the defense of those who were in trouble. I would get in fights with bullies who chose to prey on the weak. I would never pile on kids who were different; rather, I would encourage them and help when I could. People often looked at me cross eyed growing up because I was the young kid who would extend a helping hand to those who needed it, asking for nothing in return. I am not saying this to brag in any way. I just think I am not alone in this regard. I have met and seen many other people who wander through life, never really fitting in with any one group, and carrying a great burden of empathy for others on their shoulders. I do not know what to call this personality type; perhaps there is a clinical definition for it. If you are like me, it takes a long time to get comfortable with who you are.
Somewhere around my early forties, I finally turned the corner and began to embrace this. I would be okay with taking extra time to help another person, accept the satisfaction that brought me, and stop worrying about how much more I could do. I started to seek out people who I felt could use some assistance and did what I could to help them be successful. As I did so, I gained a sense of self satisfaction that brought me a contentment that had been missing for most of my life. I began building a few friendships and some stronger relationships. My wife has childhood friends from elementary school still. I would be lucky to recognize someone I passed on the street from my earlier life. However, as I became more comfortable with myself, I built a few relationships, and at times I do a few things to try to build those relationships. I make investments.
That is exactly what it is. Investment. When you choose to spend time with someone, help someone with no benefit to yourself, or simply reach out and connect with someone, then you are building a relationship. This is quite literally an investment that is worth more than any money. If you invest in relationships and keep them up, and maintain them with your time, energy, and even love, then you are building a reservoir of goodwill that will potentially, and most likely, pay you dividends in the future. It is not good to expect the dividend, but they will come; it is almost guaranteed.
I have seen this in both directions. A longtime friend who spent time helping me through challenges asked me for assistance later in life, which I gladly provided, and I did so at great return to that person. As I became more successful, I had more capacity to lend aid than I did when I was younger. Their small help to me when I was in my twenties I paid back one hundred fold because my older self had much more to give. Once again, it is poor form to expect a return, but there is no doubt in my mind that cultivated relationships that you nurture over time will pay you back in ways that you could never have conceived when you were making the small deposits along the way.
