Today is my birthday, and I was born into a certain circumstance. I had no control, influence, or say in the matter. I entered the world and was dealt my hand of cards, and that was the way it was. I do not remember the moment, but according to my mother, I was not very willing. I fought the whole time, and when I finally came into the world, I really expressed my discontent. Luckily, my circumstances are pretty good. I had two loving parents and an extended family that was, for the most part, supportive and present in my life. My parents were still new to their relationship when I came around, so they were just starting out. They would continue to pursue places to live and work and provide me with a relatively comfortable existence. I am sure that my circumstances mirror most of the population of the United States in the early 70s.
Reflecting on My Upbringing
Now I could file some complaints. My circumstances were not perfect. We had no trust fund to draw from, no vast wealth of money or experience to tap into. I was not destined for the Ivy League, and the idea of that never entered into anyone’s thought process. I was encouraged to “attend college,” was about the extent of that ambition. I was taught a solid moral ethic and generally was allowed to explore what was interesting to me and, for the most part, was able to thrive in my adolescence. There is a lot that I wish I had known or been taught at a younger age. Yet, I realize now that I am older that in order to have been taught, my parents would have had to know it themselves and I would have had to be willing to listen. One or both sides of that equation were missing on some of my wish list items. I was given the confidence to pursue whatever I could put my mind to, so the limiting factor was always myself. We may or may not have had enough money for me to pursue some things, but I did not know it. The only barrier to any worthwhile pursuit was my own mental process, which often proved insufficient.
Parental Influence and Rebellion
Could my parents have done a better job creating an environment to inspire my success, perhaps? Most likely, I would have rebelled and tried to figure it out on my own anyway. Could they have forced me to buckle down and prepare for the right schools? Yes, but I would have found a way around it and become suspicious of what I had been taught. All said they did the best with what they had at their disposal and probably better than most. Suffice it to say that my circumstances were probably as good as or better than most middle-class Americans.
Witnessing Others’ Struggles
Growing up, I knew of and interacted with several people whose circumstances were much worse than mine. In some cases, they were struggling with severe poverty, lack of proper nutrition from a poor diet, physical ailments, and oftentimes physical abuse. Although I might have complained that I had to ride the Huffy bike around from Kmart, I knew some kids who were more worried about getting beat to death that evening, much less worried about who had the coolest custom BMX. I remember one young man, whose older brother was already in prison at age 16 for armed robbery, explained to me at age eight why he had to be extra vigilant if he was to avoid the pitfalls of his circumstances. I am blessed to never have to worry once in my entire life for my personal well-being or safety.
Overcoming My Circumstances
Having said this, I did have to fight to get above my circumstances. I still consider myself middle class because I really do not know what upper class even means. Most opportunities were not handed to me, I had to go earn them. I had to forcibly change my circumstances so that I could rise to the occasion and be ready for when that opportunity did come. Sometimes I was not ready, and an amazing potential life-changing win passed me by. Other times, I was actually prepared and capitalized to the best of my ability on what I could grab onto. In some situations, my circumstances clearly provided me with the opportunity, but most of the time, I had to reinvent myself, reimagine myself, and fight with everything I had to change my circumstances.
Context of Circumstances
So, my circumstance provided me with a context. It was the environment that I was born into, and it provided me with the resources to build. Some resources, such as money, were lacking, but other resources, such as love and support, were in abundance. I am quite confident that if given the choice, I would keep it the way it was and never trade the latter for the former. The point is that we are all born with context, and in some cases, that context has an extremely inhibiting or accelerating influence on our progress in life. However, here is the kicker.
The Nature of Circumstances
Circumstances, or the context in which we were born, change. They do not stay static; they are in constant flux. True, we may slide into complete despair and agony with circumstances completely beyond our control, but the opposite is equally true. Circumstances are tremendously impactful to us, but they are not in control – we are. The only thing that is certain is that as long as we are breathing, we will live to fight another day, and our circumstances will change. They never change at the speed we want, but they will change. I have stood next to people who were once living in the deepest pit of destitution and, later in life, resting their hands on my shoulder, providing guidance on how to thrive. I have seen the maim walk again, even if it is only in their dreams and stories, and I have seen the best athlete in school beg for a job so that he could have a present under the tree.
Certainty and Control
Nothing is certain. Certainty is only within you. Your circumstances only have an influence and provide you with context for your decisions. I believe in you. You are indeed a powerful, worthy human being, and your context only matters to the extent you allow it. Rise above circumstances and fight through your struggles. There will be a time when you will become the creator of circumstance and the master of context.While I was writing this, I got a message from a good friend from my High School days. Do you remember the circumstance in which we were listening to RUSH in your barely running Chevelle with the cheap home speakers we wired up and placed in the back window? We were both awkward, out of place, and did not fit in. Those circumstances have certainly changed, haven’t they? Now I turn that 70s rock up full blast on my studio-quality sound system and dance around rocking out with the three young adults I brought into this new context.
