I was browsing around reading some psychology articles when I came across this concept called emotion monitoring. When I read about the concept, I had thought this was a good thing, but I realize now it is the opposite of a good thing. I will see if I can explain. When we go throughout the day, there are many things that can impact our ability to be successful, our ability to get what is important done, to achieve what you set out to accomplish. There are times when we interact with others, this is inevitable and most the time required. We are fathers, mothers, spouses, brothers, sisters, friends and a host of other roles. When we interact with others, we are often times confronted with negative emotion, or of an emotion that is difficult or challenging for us to grapple with? What do we do?
Effectively we have two choices. One of the choices, is a good one, and that is to express empathy. This is a healthy and normal way to respond to pain, guilt, fear, anxiety or other emotion that another person is experiencing. We effectively put ourselves into that persons position, understanding their feelings, and that allows for us to bond with them and build a greater sense of connection with that person. Not all of us are good at this, but when we do express empathy, the other person can easily recognize it and that is a good way for you to deal with negative emotions being presented to you. Empathy is a good way to respond, but there is a bad way and some believe it is the opposite of empathy.
When we find ourselves monitoring or continuously probing the emotional states of others, rather than dealing with our own emotions. It is almost a sort of emotional vampirism, but without the evil intent. We constantly are scanning the emotional states of others so that we can anticipate their feelings and to do what we can to avoid making them uncomfortable or to hurt their feelings in any way. The problem with this is that we are constantly in reaction mode to the feelings of others, and their negative emotions can often times set us on a different course impacting our day and changing how we respond to things around us.
Feeling the constant sway of other people’s emotions bombarding us is one thing, but the thought that we are neglecting our own emotional state because we are constantly monitoring other people is concerning. Our emotional well being, our own stability is needed so that we can accomplish the things we want to achieve. If we are not dealing with our own emotions in a healthy and productive way then eventually we will snap and lose our battle with staying the course. I realized today that I have this tendency to “emotionally monitor” the people around me. I think my intent is good, I really want to help them. I really want to make sure that I do not do anything to hurt their feelings or cause them discomfort. However, when I do this I am actually ignoring my own emotional needs leaving me vulnerable to the whims and follies, ups and downs of the people around me.
It is an unfortunate realization that staying on top of your emotional health, and keeping that protected is an important aspect of self improvement. We are beings that experience emotion all the time, and the wrong emotion can creep up and destroy our quest to build good habits!
Guy Reams
