Day 94 – Anxiety

Since this first day that I started writing this blog, I have rarely had a day when I did not find some topic or inspiration to write about. I decided a while back as I tried to keep this up, that I was not going to force a topic – I would simply write what was on the top of my mind and to be open about this journey.

The challenge this morning is that my mind was pretty blank. Well, not blank really. I had a lot of issues to worry about, many things causing me anxiety. I wanted to avoid the anxiety, and sitting and having any degree of complex thought or careful planning was elevating my anxiety. My natural tendency is to avoid that.

I believe I need to really understand this phenomena, as this is probably the root cause of me not being able to keep a good habit for a long period of time. A few things that helped me through today, even with a heightened state of anxiety. First, I am forcing myself to wake up at 5am every morning. There was a time, where I would try to drown out anxiety by staying up late, watch mindless shows, or sit and stare at my email for an hour in the morning (yes, I have actually done that – am I the only one)? Waking up at 5am every morning – not matter what – really changes how you approach this high anxiety situation. I had to get up, and I had to go about my routine. I did not have an option. That means that I could not stay up late, I could not waste time. Sure – I watched TV, but I only did so for 30 minutes. I had to go to bed – 5am comes quick!

I also did my morning exercise. Normally, during this time I like to think and visualize. It really helps me during my running time. However, this morning under a feeling of anxiety I decided to listen to music instead. The music was not very uplifting, in fact one particular hip hop song in the play list was downright anxiety inducing. Adding fuel to the anxious feeling was not a great idea. Consequently, my morning was not as uplifting and I really did not have much to say this morning.

My anxiety built during the day. I did my best to not eat bad, as is my usual reaction under this circumstance and I came back to my hotel room and remembered to write my blog. I decided that I needed to really think about this anxiety feeling. What exactly is causing this feeling? I sat and thought about it for awhile and dealt with the feeling head on. I understand where it is coming from now. The tough thing is – that the anxious feeling is real and for a good reason.

Understanding the source of anxiety is really important, because it at least can help you articulate to yourself and to others the reasons for your concerns and you can start to actually work on them rather then letting your subconscious fight or flight response wreck havoc on your stress levels.

I feel better now. I have a problem yes, but I am not going to let the stress induced by this anxiety derail me. I am instead going to take a deep breath, take my 365 list seriously, contemplate how I did today and know that when I wake up at 5am again tomorrow I can start over with a renewed ambition to resolve the source of my anxiety.

Guy Reams (94)
365 Member

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