The feeling of worthiness. Dangerous topic for me because it hits close to home. However, the more I get to know others, the more I realize that many people struggle with feelings of worthiness, and I am not talking in a religious sense. A few days ago, I saw a tabloid where someone had taken a picture of Bill Gates standing in a faded T-shirt, old jeans and worn out tennis shoes standing in a fast food restaurant line. The caption said something to the effect that even Bill Gates liked this particular outlet. The caption could have read, even Bill Gates has feelings of unworthiness.
In fact I would dare say, that the more successful a person becomes, the more their ego gets lifted up by others, the more those feelings of unworthiness start to surface. Do I really deserve all of this? What did I really do to get all of this? These are haunting questions that for some are always just below the surface and potentially cause a person who could be enjoying their life to always be second guessing.
Perhaps you are not among those people that feel a bit like a pretender, one that has been faking it almost their entire career – but I do not think so. I think this is a natural way to think, a deeply rooted thing for a reason that I cannot articulate. Revealing probably a bit too much, my entire life I have always stretched myself and accepted challenges beyond my current ability, preparation or capacity. Probably a good thing, but it certainly has not helped the feeling of unworthiness, and diminished accomplishments. This type of thinking is just silly really, a waste of time, but we all engage in it from time to time. You are not alone in this.
The journey that I have been on for the last 405 days has been a struggle to get past this feeling of uneasiness about what I do or do not deserve. I suppose that successful people hold themselves to a high standard, and as a consequence carry this shroud over them about their personal failures and shortcomings. The path I have taken, through habit forming and pushing my way through commitments has helped me to get past this feeling. Do not get me wrong, I still see very clearly weaknesses, blind spots and a desire to improve. I hold my head in embarrassment at stupid things that I do, say and engage in. I feel like I could do so much more, help so many more and achieve greater things. However, I am not really struggling with the worthiness thoughts much any more. The reason is that in many cases, I have overcome this part of my mind.
Yesterday is gone. There is nothing I can do about it. I only have today, and the challenges ahead of my are sufficient enough for me to tackle. No need to consider personal angst about the past – all that is done and over. I only have the path ahead to forge. That happens each morning as I step out the door and keep my personal commitments. So say goodbye to personal past failures, and the reasons for this and for that. All you have is the fight for today. So get ready. The day has started already and your future self is waiting.
Guy Reams (405)
108 Days Left to 1st Marathon