I was up early this morning thinking about conversations. We have a lot of conversations with people all day long. Some more than others, but if you stop and think about it – how many opportunities for conversation do you have in a day? I bet it is far more than you realize.
I started to think this thought. What if I built a habit out of doing my best to make the most out of every conversation that I had during the day. Instead of just getting through the conversation, instead of getting what I wanted only – what if I really took a careful look at every conversation that I am engaged in and try to deliberately improve them?
Interesting to consider what impact that might have on my life. How much more could I get out of interactions with other humans if I was more deliberate in my approach, more focused on better conversations, and more engaged? Since I have so many conversations during the day, doesn’t it make sense to figure out how to make them better? That would be an interesting habit. Perhaps I could force myself into a paradigm where I track the outcome of conversations that I am having and see if I could have a demonstrable improvement by focusing on important aspirations of a good conversation.
So looking for a tool to accomplish this, I came up with a little conversation mantra to repeat to myself each time I am engaging with another person. From the person at the hotel desk, to an employee, to my boss, to my family members. The mantra I came up with is, Learn, Listen and Lend.
Learn – My first ambition in any conversation should be to learn something from the other person. This way my natural curiosity will kick in and I will be less prone to be thinking of my next thought when I am listening. Instead of trying to find my way into the conversation, to talk about myself, I will be seeking for an opportunity to learn something from this individual.
Listen – If I am really going to learn, then I have to listen carefully. Not just to what the person is saying, but also what I am observing. Do they look stressed? Do they look tired? Excited? Anxious? Bored? What point are they trying to get across and why? I need to really listen carefully to pick up on what I might be able to learn and/or gain from the conversation.
Lend – To completely turn the scales on my conversation objectives, I should be thinking and inquiring as to how I can help the other person. In other words, how can I lend a hand? If I am wondering during the conversation how I can lend help, then my mind and attitude will be in the right place and the conversation will naturally go better. I am going to assume the other person will feel that they got more out of the conversation, just simply because I was naturally curious and genuinely wanted to know how I could help them.
I am sure there are many other ways to improve interpersonal communication. However, these three simple reminders are a great way to remind myself of the importance of my role in a conversation. If I achieve these three things, Learn, Listen and Lend then I am more likely to get what I want and/or need out of the conversation. I also might be able too help others around me, learn a thing or two and gain some allies in life. Sounds like a win/win scenario. Going to see if I can get a habit going on tracking and recording the results of every conversation that I have. Might be quite an undertaking, but it seems investing the time to improve conversation is well worth the effort.
Guy Reams
