If you pretend to be something, you will eventually become what you pretend to be.” – Me
“You are so fake.” This was the feedback I received after a presentation at a conference. Amongst a sea of positive comments, this one stood out the most for a good reason: it was true. The woman who delivered this criticism hit a nerve. I was, indeed, faking a good portion of that presentation. The question that lingered in my mind for the rest of the day was, is that necessarily a bad thing?
In today’s social media landscape, there’s an abundance of advice about being ‘true to ourselves.’ Self-proclaimed experts inundate us with notions of authenticity, urging us to be real, transparent, and true. They romanticize the idea that embracing our authentic selves is the yellow brick road to success, presuming we’re all inherently wonderful and simply awaiting discovery. But what if the reality is less flattering? What if we’re not yet skilled, accomplished, or even particularly driven? What if our authentic selves are, in essence, procrastinators or underachievers who have yet to find our path? Then what?
I recall my middle school days, learning to play Dungeons and Dragons. I created a character who was a bright, charming, charismatic, and highly intelligent wizard capable of astonishing feats of magic. Playing this role required me to step into his shoes, starkly contrasting my reality as a nervous, acne-prone pre-teen with a touch of wanderlust. This role-playing experience wasn’t detrimental; on the contrary, it was liberating. Psychological research supports that pretending or acting ‘as if’ can be a stepping stone to developing real skills, qualities, and achievements. While I didn’t gain the ability to cast fireballs, I did begin to weave stories and believe in possibilities beyond myself. Wasn’t that a valuable transformation for a young kid navigating the labyrinthine corridors of middle school?
Reflecting on this concept, I’ve realized that to become something you are not, you often have to ‘fake it till you make it.’ Staying as you are leads to the same results. To change your outcomes, you must change yourself, starting with pretending to be something different. Initially, this might seem absurd or awkward, as you’re merely imitating what you believe the behavior should be. But as you learn and adapt, this new behavior starts to rewire your mind.
Watch my video on this subject, here
Every morning, I pretend to be an ultra-long-distance runner, far removed from my reality as an overweight, aging man who spends too much time at a desk. So, I run. I dress the part with the right shoes, expensive compression socks, and a trendy running jacket. Sometimes, I even carry Nathan water bottles on a shoulder harness. It might seem like I’m playing a part, but this act of ‘faking it’ has brought tangible results over the months and years. So, I continue, slowly transforming into the very thing I’ve been pretending to be.
We often discuss cognitive dissonance in a negative light. However, this natural human process isn’t inherently negative. In fact, it might be the catalyst that inspires us to pretend. When our actions don’t align with our beliefs, we experience discomfort (cognitive dissonance). We frequently adjust our beliefs to match our actions to alleviate this discomfort. Therefore, acting confident can lead to a genuine sense of self-confidence. Perhaps, instead of perceiving cognitive dissonance negatively, we should recognize it as a motivator, prompting us to evolve from who we are to who we aspire to be.
In this exploration of the power of pretending, we’ve uncovered a profound truth: sometimes, to become our best selves, we must first embody the qualities we aspire to have. From the nervous presenter striving to appear confident to the middle schooler escaping into the realms of fantasy, pretending offers more than just a temporary mask; it paves the way for genuine growth and transformation. As we ‘fake it till we make it,’ we’re not just playing roles; we’re actively sculpting our future selves, forging new paths of possibilities from the clay of aspiration.
Let’s embrace the art of pretending not as a tool for deception, but as a catalyst for personal evolution. Whether stepping into the shoes of a wizard, a confident speaker, or a long-distance runner, each act of pretending brings us closer to the reality we seek. So, I encourage you to dream, pretend, and boldly step into the version of yourself you wish to become. Remember, the journey to authenticity isn’t about finding yourself; it’s about creating yourself, one act of brave pretending at a time. In the words of George Bernard Shaw, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” Let the magic of pretending guide you in crafting the extraordinary story of who you are becoming.
