To explain this concept, I will relate a situation that I think many of us can relate to. This occurs at the airport. You get to the airport and have plenty of time to get to your gate before the scheduled departure date. You might want to buy something to eat or get snacks before your flight. However, you are just not comfortable stopping just yet. You want to ‘get there first.’ This means that you want to find your gate and make sure it actually exists, and then you will venture out and get food or whatever you want at that point. You will walk back to the restaurants or stores. You effectively will backtrack, covering the same ground, lugging the same bags around, just because you felt you had to get to the location first.
This is interesting. I have never had a plane leave early. If I look at the terminal display for the intended gate, it is usually accurate. It does change from time to time, but that is always a sudden occurrence, and there is nothing that I can do about it. Also, gate 22 is always there, and they are always in sequential order. I have never got to a gate and found out it did not exist, so why do I insist on getting there first before I feel comfortable doing anything else?
This is the ‘get there first’ disease. In this scenario, it is not that harmful because all you are doing is wasting a trip or two down the terminal walkway. However, this disease can take root in your life in many other ways, and in those cases, the damage is much more significant. The biggest is probably living your life. My worst was being a father. I wanted to be the best father, be there for my kids, and be a major part of their lives. I think I did well, but I often fell short. The reason is that I felt I had to get there first. Meaning that if I could make enough money and be successful, then I would have enough time to be the father that I wanted to be. Well, I eventually did have some success; the kids were growing up by then, and I had more problems to deal with. Success does not free you up; success binds you. This is the great lie we tell ourselves. When I get there, then I will be and do what I want to do. It is a waste of time and a waste of life. You do not need to get there first to be a great parent to your children.
That same goes for retirement. I will do those wonderful things when I get there. This is the same as the get there first concept. When I retire, I will enjoy my life and do the things that I want to do. This is another big lie. Not sure who invented this. Maybe this was a great way to convince us to work 40 – 60 hours per week with only 2 weeks of vacation per year for 40 years. The retirement carrot would be dangled before us, and we would be sold a story that we would travel the world, have exotic vacations, and enjoy life in our 70s. Well, that may happen, but it may not. So, a better plan is to enjoy your life right now; you do not need to get there first.
There is another myth. It is the linear progression career path lie. We believe that there is this linear path to career progression. We believe we will go from apprentice to associate to manager to director to vice president, to partner to CEO. When we get there, life will be grand. People will listen to us, and we will be wealthy. We will have all that we need; we need to get there first. This is the lie people tell you so that you will work thankless, difficult jobs and muscle through long and late hours on deadlines and billable hours. Here is the thing: you do not need to get there first. You can actually start there. Here is a news flash: it does not matter what level you are at, the CEO has the same workload, same crises, same challenges with retaining staff, same mind-numbing and difficult drudgery to go through. Do not get me wrong; hard work is necessary and required; recognize that hard work is always part of the equation whether you get there or not. So do not wait to enjoy your time on this earth until you get to some fictional role on the corporate ladder.
I first started thinking about getting their first disease when I rented a gigantic RV for a family trip. We would hustle ourselves from one RV campground to the next. We treated this RV like a giant commuter van, and we pulled ourselves through these long stretches of highway, anticipating to enjoy our vacation after we got there. We eventually got there, but then we were tired and grumpy. Mom and Dad started fighting, and we did not enjoy our first few days. By the time we finally relaxed, it was time to head back, and we fell into the same trap. Let’s get there, and then we can relax. I noted on our way back, as we stopped at an RV park, that there was this older couple hanging out and relaxing on a nice fire with comfortable chairs. After I struggled late into the evening to get everything set up, I asked, ‘Where are you heading?’ The couple looked at me strangely, ‘going?’ They seemed to ask by their curious expressions. They had no destination. They would go when they were ready to do so and not a moment sooner. They were enjoying the trip, not the anticipation of the destination.
Which I suppose is the real statement here. Journey before destination. We do not need to get anywhere to live our lives. We do not need to wait until some event happens before we become the person we want to be. We do not need to achieve something to start acting in the role that we want. Instead of getting there first, stop at the restaurant, enjoy your meal, and then arrive at the gate in comfort with plenty of time to get in line.
