Day 12 of my personal transformation.
The quest to improve your life, transform, and become a better version of yourself is often a physical struggle. However, it is also a mental one. The mental battle is really the hard part. The desire to change is one thing, but the ability to overcome the mindset that got you where you are is challenging to come by. This is an area of intense struggle. Mentally exhausting even. The constant back and forth, the voices in your head, the doubt, the shame, the fear, and the aggravation are all part of this intense fight to improve.
However, this struggle is not actually happening. The battle is all within your own mind and entirely in your control. In essence, the most intense part of the struggle is all imaginary. Take stock when you have had these moments of self-loathing or beating yourself up for making mistakes. Where is the negativity coming from? You. This realization can be crystalized if you look at yourself from another perspective. Have you ever asked someone for advice or confided in them your worries only to discover that the issues seem much smaller when spoken out loud? This is because they are all small.
This dark voice has been attributed by some religions to originate from some creature of evil intent, say “the devil.” Whether that is true or not is not the point. The point is that when left to fester in your mind, these thoughts become large, horrible, and ugly demons from hell. When you bring them out into the light, they become small, weak, and lose power when exposed. You may think it is silly, but the Catholic tradition of confessionals was for this exact purpose. You can get a sense of freedom from speaking these things out loud. The tyrannical prison of your mind can be dark if you do not air the place out now and then.
Your thoughts, if left unchecked, will frequently corrupt you. Sadly, we humans are often so goaded by hierarchy that we will become rotten if we become too inwardly focused. Not to say having time to be alone with your thoughts is terrible; I am an introvert and need that time to recover. However, spending too much time wallowing in self-pity will only lead down one path, and that is usually despair.
So stop. Just stop the endless circus going around in your head and do something. Of all the things swirling around in your mind, pick one area, identify a productive task, and just start doing it. You will start feeling better shortly after starting because you will calm all this inner dialog. This is why making and keeping a commitment daily is imperative for healthy well-being and self-improvement. In the cycle of self-criticism, you are taking a break and getting something done. This starts to convince your fragile ego that yes, you can be productive, you can make progress, and that all this struggle is just you causing yourself more pain than is necessary.
There is a struggle; I know that. However, the battle is more accurate than we make it. Stop fueling the fires of a poor mental state and be active. Even if you have to start small, be active, learn to quiet the negative down, and replace that with a more positive flow of thoughts.
