I have noticed a general trend with us humans, including myself. When we get a certain “feeling” about something we like to express ourselves in our minds and to those that will listen to us in general terms. For example. My desk is a mess right now. Specifically I have a bunch of loose items sitting on my desk that have not been put in their proper place. So I have a feeling that my personal life is a little disorganized. So I came home today, looked at my desk, and said out loud to anyone that would listen, “this whole house is a freaking mess.”
That is not actually true at all, not even close. What is true, specifically, is that my desk in my office is messy. That is the true statement and if I were to fix that, I would no longer feel like my life was in shambles. So this is my new concept, be specific.
People tell me all the time that “<insert idea here> is all messed up.” The problem is that you really cannot do anything with that at all. You cannot take action on it. You could not fix that even if you had all the power in the world. When someone says, this whole thing is screwed up – reply with, can you be specific? What exactly is not working correctly? Funny thing is most people will only be able to name one or perhaps two things that are actually not working.
Think of this when you talk to a boss, coworker, spouse, child. Instead of saying to your kid, you are really irresponsible (a general concept), be specific. You need to focus on improving your math grade, because a F in math is not acceptable. That is specific and actionable. Same goes for your complaining. Do not tell a boss, hey boss, this company is jacked up. That is not helpful, what is the boss going to do with that? Instead name a specific problem and what is not working. That is actionable and real.
The more specific you are in your life about your problems, the more results you will get and the better you will feel about your circumstances. A depressed person is never depressed about something specific, it is always in sweeping generalities.
Guy Reams
