I’ve done it.
After years of watching SaaS, PaaS, and even CaaS (Coffee as a Service?) flood the market, I’ve reached the inevitable conclusion: I can create Everything as a Service or EaaS.
Yes, everything.
Finally, a business model that answers every investor question with divine precision.
What’s your value proposition? Simple. I can give you everything. That’s the most valuable thing, isn’t it?
What’s your moat? No one else can serve everything but me. (I checked.)
What’s your secret sauce? A proprietary black box. You put stuff in, things happen, and eventually — results. Sometimes.
We don’t measure time; we measure inevitability.
And then it hit me, this all sounded familiar. A service that can process infinite inputs, adapt to every situation, self-improve through trial and error, and still occasionally crash under emotional load.
Wait a second. Am I just describing… a human?
Turns out, the ultimate Everything Service already exists. Perfectly designed for this environment, endlessly scalable (through questionable reproduction strategy), and eternally beta.
But alas, I hired my attorney for $1750 an hour and it looks like God already filed the patent.
Back to the drawing board. Maybe I’ll pivot to Nothing as a Service (NaaS): guaranteed uptime, zero dependencies, total serenity.
