For Valentine’s Day, my wife gave me an interesting gift, perhaps the most valuable one I have received from her over the years. She sent me a snippet of someone discussing a compelling concept: Your worst enemy is the person who believes in you the most.
This took a while to sink in for me. Over the years, I have had various people attack me and threaten me with backhanded maneuvers intended to discredit me. I just chalked this up to typical political theater in any enterprise company. I assumed they were trying to step on their colleagues on their way up the corporate ladder.
However, with this new perspective, I look back and realize there was something else going on. Were these people threatened by me? Did they see my potential and therefore do everything they could to block me or slow me down so they would not look bad? Afraid that this thought might simply be my ego feeding me, I decided to contemplate my own motivations for being antagonistic toward certain people in my life.
Sure enough, I can identify at least two situations where I met someone whom I knew was quite talented, and I was immediately and naturally threatened by them. I did not get along with these people, and now I think I understand why. I always thought my instincts were telling me something I did not consciously know. But in reality, what was happening was that my primal instinct was reacting to a perceived threat. That is interesting.
Looking back, this suddenly explains why a few people seemed to attack me for no apparent reason. I did not understand their motives then, but now I do. It seems obvious in this light. They were doing what humans naturally do, protecting their position in the group by attacking what they perceive to be a real and existential threat to that position. I used to think these people were ignorant or not very smart, but now I realize they were probably smarter than I gave them credit for. They were able to detect a threat, understand the implications, and react accordingly.
So next time you have someone attacking you for reasons you cannot easily explain, consider this. That person most likely sees great potential in you. They see who you are and what you are capable of becoming. They may view this as a threat to their own position, and that explains the reaction. This perspective might help you better understand how to deal with the situation.
In a strange irony, it may be true that your worst enemy is your biggest fan. This might also explain why some people struggle in relationships with their parents. “Why are you always so critical of me?” Well, perhaps your mother sees your true potential and is disappointed that you are not reaching it.
Try reframing it this way. “Gee, thanks Mom for pushing me. I know you see my potential, and I appreciate that. I will work on it.”
Or maybe this. “Hey, colleague, I have noticed you have been pretty hostile toward me. I think we both see the potential in each other. Do you think it might be better if we worked together instead?”
