Conflict = Good

If you are like me you were raised generally to feel that conflict was bad. You avoid conflict wherever possible. You smooth things over, you tip toe around the issue, you run away and close the door so to speak. Conflict is by it’s nature a bad thing. I grew up believing that, and I generally still believe that. I do not mind physical or direct conflict, what I cannot handle is emotional conflict. I have a tough time with it, it makes me squirm.

When I watch movies, especially the romantic ones with my wife, I always cringe in fear and trepidation in the scenes where there is some sort of emotional conflict between two people. I would rather sit through a scary slasher film then watch 5 minutes of a verbal conflict between two people that love each other in an argument. Even typing that makes me start to sweat. When I got married, is when I first realized that not all people were like me. There are many people, that are actually ok with emotional conflict and in fact it is a everyday occurrence.

It took a long time for me to be OK with addressing conflict in that way and in fact I still struggle with it. However, I have got much better. My wife has helped me, owning a business helped, having children definitely helped, and having lots of good employees and few bad ones also has helped. I recognized that today, that an emotional conflict with another person is not a bad thing and in fact it is a necessary thing. The only way you can improve a relationship is through healthy conflict! Ignored issues make things worse, you have to bring them up and talk them through as uncomfortable as that seems.

Is someone causing you grief in life? A loved one? A client? A colleague. Then you need a conflict! You need to have a emotional conflict and sort it out! Conflict is good!

Guy Reams