Day 355 – Suffering Has Value

I started a commitment 355 days ago, and so today marks 10 days left. I made a point of not sharing too many details about my personal commitment and the sacrifice that went along with it. The essential formula is this: I will do X for 365 days in a row to gain Y.

The funny thing is, I achieved Y after about 230 days, so I have been continuing my commitment even though the goal was achieved. This last full year of implementing this commitment has caused me to go through some suffering. The thing about suffering is that it sucks while you are going through it. The pain, the heartache, the angst, and all the emotions are temporary. Once the suffering is over, you no longer experience those things. What feels so excruciating, so terrible while you are going through it ends up being just a quick story you tell. The really interesting part about suffering is what you get to keep when you survive it. This is the value behind suffering.

I now tell the story of running my first Ultra Marathon, a 50-miler, in a few sentences. I say where I did the event and how long it took. I describe the preparation as if it was all so simple. The reality is that I had to suffer through compounded challenges, obstacles, and pain. I could not write up or tell people the full narrative, but suffer I did. Bitter cold, vomiting in a ditch, encounters with wildlife, rain, snow, sleet, winds, and just about every event you could think of. Rattlesnakes, coyotes, bears, elk, a territorial bull, raccoons, skunks, and one rabid squirrel all stood in my path on that journey. The running I did in preparation—every day, every night, every weekend, every holiday—was filled with self-doubt and finding resolve when all willpower had left. I suffered mightily. I ran thousands of ultras before I heard that starting gun. People who do not know the sport would ask how I possibly ran all day long like that. My thought has always been, how could I not? Finishing that race was the reward, and for the most part, it felt easy by comparison.

However, all that has boiled down to: yeah, I ran a 50-miler once. That’s it, all that suffering reduced to that. So the suffering is now forgotten, and I am left with what I took from the experience. The value I carved out of that experience was an absolute realization that the only thing in my way is my own mind. Someone told me that once, but I didn’t believe it. Now I know. Once I overcome the objection in my mind, then nothing can stop me from achieving a goal.

So this last year, I have suffered once again. This is all self-inflicted, by the way. Many people go through suffering that is not of their own choosing. Many others suffer with things that will never have an end, at least in their lifetime. I am unable to address that level of suffering because I have generally experienced good physical health and opportunities. However, I have spoken with many on this topic, and they describe a process of coming to grips with suffering and gaining similar types of value. I would never compare my suffering to those who, because of their circumstances, health, or other reasons, face a lifetime of chronic issues.

However, I do suffer. This is relative suffering for me, but who can measure suffering except the person who holds the measure? My comfort is knowing that when the suffering is over, I will not remember the pain. I will instead leave the experience with the value of what I gained. As I approach the final 10 days, I find myself reflecting on what lies ahead and what I have yet to take from this experience. The end of a journey is always a peculiar place. You start to see the finish line, but the weight of the road behind you still presses on your shoulders. There’s an anticipation for it to be over, but at the same time, a quiet realization that the moment it ends, it will feel like it barely happened at all.

What I’ve come to understand is that the goal, the Y I set out to achieve, was never the true reward. The real value was found in the process—the daily grind, the quiet suffering, and the moments where I had to dig deeper than I thought possible. It’s easy to think that once the commitment is over, life will return to normal, but I know better now. I will carry the lessons learned long after the commitment fades into memory.

And so, as I step into these final days, I’m not rushing toward the finish line. I’ll honor the last of this journey, knowing that the true transformation is already taking place. What I leave behind is simply the struggle, the pain, and the sacrifice. What I take with me is a renewed understanding of who I am and what I’m capable of. The suffering, though hard to endure, has carved out space for something far more lasting: resilience, clarity, and an unshakable belief that the mind, once mastered, can overcome any obstacle.

Soon, the story of these 365 days will be another simple tale I tell in passing. But what I keep from this year will live on in me, shaping the way I face the next challenge, the next commitment, and the next opportunity to prove to myself that I can endure, adapt, and emerge stronger. And that, in the end, is the value of it all. The real question that I have to tackle nowis: What suffering am I going to self-inflict upon myself for the next 365 days?